What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
