If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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