I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
