morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
