You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
