Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
