i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
