used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
