What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i came on her dog
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
