I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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