I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
