i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
