Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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