I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
