I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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