the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
