Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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