i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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