worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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