three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
