dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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