I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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