I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
