My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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