Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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