hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
