i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
