Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think my fart just growled at me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
