On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So squirting runs in the family.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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