when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
