dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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