Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
