question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
