Umm I'm too high to move.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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