well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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