Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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