I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
