Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
