one two three fourrrrnication!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
