I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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