I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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