All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
