Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
