It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize