Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
