He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
