There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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