I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
