When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
