She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
