Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

She'll never know what hit her

(1-703): View more from Virginia

I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.

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(703): She'll never know what hit her (1-703): I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact. http://tfl.nu/fbuf

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(843): View more from South Carolina

got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

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(843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd

Replies (80) Good night (2453) Bad night (35328)
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(406): View more from Montana

Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

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(406): Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified. http://tfl.nu/dihz

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(631): View more from New York

I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.

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(631): I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary. http://tfl.nu/rbbj

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy

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(774): I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy http://tfl.nu/fre1

Replies (7) Good night (2217) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.

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(610): Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour. http://tfl.nu/a91n

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(415): View more from California

The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.

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(415): The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes. http://tfl.nu/qcrt

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(518): View more from New York

His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina

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(518): His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina http://tfl.nu/49ay

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?

(707): View more from California

...did you eat that brownie?

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(423): Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic? (707): ...did you eat that brownie? http://tfl.nu/j241

Replies (2) Good night (2193) Bad night (377)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??

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(616): I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask?? http://tfl.nu/g9zb

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(860): View more from Connecticut

How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?

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(860): How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"? http://tfl.nu/cbsf

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.

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(870): I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me. http://tfl.nu/h17o

Replies (12) Good night (1101) Bad night (319)
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(954): View more from Florida

i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future

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(954): i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future http://tfl.nu/c3ju

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car

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(202): Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car http://tfl.nu/2cza

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.

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(202): We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer. http://tfl.nu/6uoe

Replies (2) Good night (874) Bad night (163)

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