It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.