I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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