yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
