you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
