either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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