Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
