apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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