My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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