If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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