I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
