her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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