community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
