So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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