this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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