Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
