you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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