Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
