i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
