I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
