i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
