my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
